I usually get anxious right before competitions.
But a week before?
I’ve spent the last year preparing for the Open. One whole year of my life.
I’m stronger. I’ve improved all my skills. I’ve added new ones.
But I don’t have all the skills. Nor all the strength.
And that worries me.
All it takes is one move to show up that
1) I either don’t have or
2) I suck at
And everything I’ve worked so hard for is thrown out the window.
My body has tweaks here and there. My right fingers are swollen. My right calf is tight. My massage guy is sick. My muscle activation lady is sick. I know my glutes are tight. I am bruised from Jason.
I remind myself that I choose this.
Because it gives me something to cling to when there’s nothing else in my world to cling to. It’s the constant and the rock in my life when all else is a storm. It’s something to strive for. To achieve. And to keep achieving.
It’s a passion. And passion is so rare in life that when you find it, you cling to it with everything you’ve got. You don’t give up. No matter the pain. The frustrations. The defeats. You keep going. One step at a time. With the belief great things will be achieved…
You could call me that.
So when I tell myself to “trust the process” I feel like such a hypocrite.
But in the end, that’s the only choice I have. Anything else is undue stress.
Because if you want to be good at anything in life, it takes time.
I want them so bad.
And I’m close.
Trust the process.
I want great form.
Trust the process.
Losing weight and maintaining my diet for the rest of my life.
Trust the process. Trust the process. Trust the process…
For the last few days, I’ve been terribly bummed about CrossFit. I got beat up last week with all the WODS (lots of heavy weight), and I’m stuck on my jerk weight which is incredibly frustrating. Once it gets heavy I lose it–quick.
However, today was a different day. I dominated. I was able to do many more HSPU’s in a row than I usually am able to do. I was able to power clean 105 lbs repeatedly in a WOD; whereas, before in my mind it would have been way too heavy. I’ve been steadily increasing my weights in all the Olympic lifts since the Open and it’s beginning to show in the WOD’s.
My Toes-to-Bar is coming along as well. I’ve always stricted them but finally right before the Open I learned to string them together by kipping. However, this still needs work.
But it’s progress. And that’s what I live for.
My butterfly pull-ups are coming along. Still practicing bar muscle up moves. Soon it will all come together. One step at a time.
And that’s what we all need to keep in mind: the end game. Every day we work. Every day we toil. And as long as we’re moving towards our goals, it’s all worth it.
The discouragement days have their place as well. It reminds us we are all human. We have our good days and our bad. And that’s life. It’s what makes the highs worth living for.
So don’t despair. It’s all working. As long as you keep working…