Why did I think this was a good idea?

I asked myself this same question half-way up the Manitou Incline and I asked myself this same question half-way through the Tough Mudder.

The Tough Mudder (for those few who don’t know what it is) is a 10 mile race on rough terrain through an obstacle course.  And the obstacles are not for the faint of heart.

I purposely did not look at the obstacles again before I left because I didn’t want to know.

Let’s examine some now.

The Arctic Enema.  Jumping into a tank full of ice water, dunking under water, and swimming to the other side.  Why not?

This isn’t even the sadistic part.

The sadistic part is before this you had to carry a 35 lb of ice 100 yards and then dump it in the tank.

“So we’re carrying our own torture devices?”

“That’s right.”

Images of crucifixion come to mind.

This was horrible.  This was so bad.  It lasted maybe 30 seconds but once you get out you can’t feel any part of your body.  You just carry on, mute, hoping you are following the right path.

Everest.

Infamous amongst Tough Mudders.

You’ve seen the pictures.  People forming human chains to get up it.  Helping each other.  The ultimate picture of camaraderie.

Well, now picture facing Everest ALONE.

I’m not kidding here.

Unbeknownst to me, I had signed up for the TOUGHEST MUDDER, for seasoned Mudders who travel all over the country doing these crazy courses most weekends.

All I knew was I was signing up to be timed.  That’s it.

Well, since I signed up for this, we started first on the course.  So there was hardly anyone in front of me.  Now, you all know I’m a runner and this course was a lot of running so I was by myself a lot of the time.  Something you don’t want to be at the obstacles.

So here I am, facing this huge wall of white.  Well, I just run at it.  Thanks to CrossFit, the rope climb was no problem.  But I get stuck at the top.  The rope hangs over a lip and you have to throw  your foot up over the side (which would have been great information to have had when I had momentum).

Here I am, clinging to the side of the wall, stuck.  And I clung there for probably about 2 minutes, waiting for the 2 volunteers to help me up.  They grabbed my foot and I got up.  Barely.

Augustus Gloop.  Another obstacle with water.  Not again!  You go under water, climb up a ladder all while running water is dripping on top of you.  I can’t see a thing cause this is no drip-drop.  It’s sheer running water.  It sucks.

The Funky Monkey Revolution.  All I know is there are monkey bars and water below.  I tell myself, “I am NOT falling into that water.”  That’s the last thing I want–is to get wet again.  So, thanks to CrossFit, I cross this obstacle all the way–slowly, very slowly–and ungracefully.  Apparently, I’m the first woman to do so all day they tell me.  Water was the motivator here.

Overall, I had a great time except for the being wet the entire time part.  At the beginning of the day, it was cold.  I was shivering before we even started.  We got wet right away and I was miserable.  The sun didn’t come out until 1 hour into the course.  It sucked.

Then right when I dried off, Arctic Enema.  Then 2 more waters in a row.  I was done.  I was sopping wet and it all sucked.

If I’m going to torture my body, I think I’d rather enjoy it.

Take aways from the Mudder:

1. Never again am I purposely submerging myself in 20 degree cold water.
2. The bruises hurt more as the days pass.
3. Don’t forget sunglasses again!
4. Snacks and gloves are useless when wet.
5. The key is to never stop for more than a minute break.  Just keep moving.
6. Comfort yourself with Starbucks.  It never fails.
7. The end is the best part:  See.  I’m even smiling!